On Openness 

This an old piece I meant to publish earlier this year.  

 I’d like to take time to be reflective about what I am grateful for.  Recently I was offered a wonderful job completely out of the blue at the place I’ve been interning. It was a little or of my area of expertise, but I felt excited during the interview none the less.  I ultimately did not get that position, but I did secure an equally amazing job immediately after also at the same office.  Thinking about all this- I’d like to take a moment to express my gratitude for landing a job, but more than that I’d like to express my thankfulness for my work environment.
Of course nothing is without its issues, but for now I am deeply grateful.  Not only do I get to work at a wonderful organization that promotes my own accountability and prioritizes community engagement, but I often find myself in a position to learn which is so deeply humbling and transformative.

I’ve been able to learn a tremendous amount by way of my time there not only through experience, but through others.  I am surrounded by several deeply intelligent people who have inspired me to not only create more, but put myself in a position to be open to learning.  I often feel insecure about my intelligence.  On some level I do feel I am not intelligent and so I often struggle greatly with asking questions or doing things I feel reflect my ignorance.  Lately I’ve been trying to remind myself there is nothing wrong with ignorance, we are all ignorant because ignorance refers to not knowing things.  No one knows everything and not knowing something isn’t necessarily something to be ashamed of.  However embracing ignorance and refusing to learn is an issue.  I do myself, my peers, and my community a disservice when I allow insecurities to get in the way of growth and education.  In my past I’ve really shot myself in the foot for not wanting to appear as stupid as I felt.

It’s rare to be able to work in a place where you are able to learn in such dynamic ways.  In my life I often am doing intellectual labor and I am used to talking about concepts I’m familiar with and excel at.  I love to talk about race relations, psychology, linguistics, art, social consciousness, the nature of trauma, and I’ve found I’m particularly good at navigating those topics! I often take the lead in those conversations and truly enjoy it.  I don’t think I often set out to teach people, but I always appreciate sharing ideas with others. So often in my past though, I’ve been the one sharing and facilitating.  How fortunate to work around such gifted and intelligent people who are enthusiastic about sharing!! It’s very difficult for me to be vulnerable with others! But I’m learning a lot!

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